N is just about to the six-month mark of his mission experience (out of two years). He has been in south Texas, living just six miles from the border of Mexico, since September. We've missed him like crazy. He is learning a lot about living with all types of people. He is also learning to be independent and take care of himself. It has been really hard at times, but he has been able to figure it out.
He speaks Spanish fluently now. I can't believe it! He took three years of German in high school and didn't know any Spanish when he left. When he skyped at Christmas, N and his dad spent the first 10 minutes or so speaking only in Spanish.
We get an email from him once a week. I scrutinize every picture that he sends home for weight-loss. He was just moved to an area where they bike everywhere they go. He'll need to make up for that additional calorie loss. I'm so glad to know that he has some extra weight on him. It just means that he will have a chance to make adjustments before any issues with relapse appear. We check in with him often to see if he has had any feelings of restriction. He has. But he said that he knows that the way to deal with that is to make sure that he has full nutrition. He even let his exercise/food-obsessed companion know that they could NOT skip lunch.
He is teaching a lot of people. He is serving the communities there in Texas and making a difference. What an amazing experience!
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
Mexico City
Well, he's off.
It was so hard -- harder than I thought it would be to say goodbye for two years. We'll get weekly letters and/or emails. We get to Skype with him on Mother's Day and Christmas. No phone calls or visits. That all helps him to not be so homesick and instead focus on his work (instead of what is happening at home). We're a close family. I'm grateful that it was hard - it means we love each other. A lot.
I've worried for a long time (see many previous posts) about how N would do with the stress of a mission. The doctors all cleared him for service. They all served missions, themselves, so they know what is involved. We've prepped him for every possible trigger that I could imagine. We've reviewed and discussed the importance of eating well over and over and over.
N has been gone for three weeks now. All indications are that he is doing just fine. Right now, he is in Mexico City undergoing intensive language training as he tries to learn Spanish. He has a cafeteria, a set meal schedule and set activity times. It's a good setup for him. After six weeks, he'll transfer to the border of Texas. Then he'll fix his own meals and set his own eating schedule. That's where I'll worry a little more. But, he'll always have a companion by his side.
I pray every day for him - that he'll be happy and well. I'm proud of all of his hard work, preparation and desire to teach people about Jesus Christ, forgiveness and forever families. I wonder how his struggles with anorexia will affect his ability to teach. I suspect that he will be more compassionate and kind.
Today, is his preparation day - the day he gets to email home. I'm so excited to hear from him!
It was so hard -- harder than I thought it would be to say goodbye for two years. We'll get weekly letters and/or emails. We get to Skype with him on Mother's Day and Christmas. No phone calls or visits. That all helps him to not be so homesick and instead focus on his work (instead of what is happening at home). We're a close family. I'm grateful that it was hard - it means we love each other. A lot.
I've worried for a long time (see many previous posts) about how N would do with the stress of a mission. The doctors all cleared him for service. They all served missions, themselves, so they know what is involved. We've prepped him for every possible trigger that I could imagine. We've reviewed and discussed the importance of eating well over and over and over.
N has been gone for three weeks now. All indications are that he is doing just fine. Right now, he is in Mexico City undergoing intensive language training as he tries to learn Spanish. He has a cafeteria, a set meal schedule and set activity times. It's a good setup for him. After six weeks, he'll transfer to the border of Texas. Then he'll fix his own meals and set his own eating schedule. That's where I'll worry a little more. But, he'll always have a companion by his side.
I pray every day for him - that he'll be happy and well. I'm proud of all of his hard work, preparation and desire to teach people about Jesus Christ, forgiveness and forever families. I wonder how his struggles with anorexia will affect his ability to teach. I suspect that he will be more compassionate and kind.
Today, is his preparation day - the day he gets to email home. I'm so excited to hear from him!
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Mission Call
N received his mission call last week. He'll be headed to South Texas (below San Antonio and all the way to the Mexico border) for the next two years. First, though, he'll be attending an intensive language program in order to learn Spanish for 6 weeks in Mexico City. We're all so excited!
He could have been assigned any where in the world. But South Texas is really a good call for him. I've been researching the area extensively. Though it will be HOT! and he will be biking a lot, the missionaries there tend to gain weight rather than loose it. That's a huge relief for me! I've worried about the many stories of weight-loss associated with missionary work because of the often scarce or unusual food and long walking hours. I'm so grateful that those who assigned his call, prayerfully took into consideration his past medical history. His supervisor (President) will be aware of N's past medical history with anorexia. He and his wife will regularly assess N's health and needs. He'll also have another missionary (his "companion") with him at all times. It's a good fit.
Not quite half of his mission area shares a border with Mexico (along the Rio Grande). So, he'll get to eat great Mexican food (which he already loves). He's also excited to learn Spanish. He took three years of German, so it's a bit of a switch. My husband speaks Spanish fluently so he is already teaching N and it seems as if N also has an aptitude for language.
I'm so grateful that we'll be able to use the US domestic mail service which is much more reliable and quick than international mail. That means we can send him food overnight, if needed.
There is a lot that has to happen to get him ready. But first, we've got to get him graduated.
He could have been assigned any where in the world. But South Texas is really a good call for him. I've been researching the area extensively. Though it will be HOT! and he will be biking a lot, the missionaries there tend to gain weight rather than loose it. That's a huge relief for me! I've worried about the many stories of weight-loss associated with missionary work because of the often scarce or unusual food and long walking hours. I'm so grateful that those who assigned his call, prayerfully took into consideration his past medical history. His supervisor (President) will be aware of N's past medical history with anorexia. He and his wife will regularly assess N's health and needs. He'll also have another missionary (his "companion") with him at all times. It's a good fit.
Not quite half of his mission area shares a border with Mexico (along the Rio Grande). So, he'll get to eat great Mexican food (which he already loves). He's also excited to learn Spanish. He took three years of German, so it's a bit of a switch. My husband speaks Spanish fluently so he is already teaching N and it seems as if N also has an aptitude for language.
I'm so grateful that we'll be able to use the US domestic mail service which is much more reliable and quick than international mail. That means we can send him food overnight, if needed.
There is a lot that has to happen to get him ready. But first, we've got to get him graduated.
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
April 2014 Update
It's been a whirlwind of a year! I can't believe N is just a short month shy of graduation! He'll graduate with a 3.5 GPA that is peppered with both good and bad grades. He ended up getting involved with the Poetry Club, editing an online literary journal, getting several poems published, performing as lead singer with a rock band as well as an a'Capella group, passing several AP tests, and earning an academic scholarship. He was able to get into the college of his choice. He has a great group of friends that have gathered him right in. He is currently applying for additional scholarships, planning his prom date, fighting senioritis, and waiting for his mission call. He has come so far!
I am so grateful to many of you readers, as well as all of the parents at Around The Dinner Table for his success and healing. I'm convinced that N wouldn't be where he is today if it weren't for the loving guidance and support that you have given to us. He has gone several years now without any problems. Amazing!
About his mission: In order to apply as a missionary, he had to have extensive doctor and dental visits as well as extensive documentation of his anorexia. Most missionaries are able to quickly check off a form indicating that they are healthy and well. But because of N's history, we also had to fill out pages and pages of information about the anorexia, depression, OCD and anxiety. His doctor indicated that he didn't think N's past struggles with anorexia would prevent him from being fully able to serve. So a little more than two weeks ago, those mission papers were turned in.
That means sometime this summer, N will leave home for two years. He'll be able to call home only four times during those two years, but he will be able to email weekly. There will be medical staff and supervision who are aware of N's past issues. He'll have a companion that will always be with him - even for meals. So if there are issues, we should know about them quickly. And if it's too much stress or if the anxiety returns, he'll come home. You can imagine that we'll be missing him and praying like crazy. He'll miss us, I'm sure. But he will be busy serving others and teaching about Jesus Christ. He could go anywhere in the world. We're going crazy waiting to find out where.
His call could come tomorrow -- or in a week. I'll post when I know.
I am so grateful to many of you readers, as well as all of the parents at Around The Dinner Table for his success and healing. I'm convinced that N wouldn't be where he is today if it weren't for the loving guidance and support that you have given to us. He has gone several years now without any problems. Amazing!
About his mission: In order to apply as a missionary, he had to have extensive doctor and dental visits as well as extensive documentation of his anorexia. Most missionaries are able to quickly check off a form indicating that they are healthy and well. But because of N's history, we also had to fill out pages and pages of information about the anorexia, depression, OCD and anxiety. His doctor indicated that he didn't think N's past struggles with anorexia would prevent him from being fully able to serve. So a little more than two weeks ago, those mission papers were turned in.
That means sometime this summer, N will leave home for two years. He'll be able to call home only four times during those two years, but he will be able to email weekly. There will be medical staff and supervision who are aware of N's past issues. He'll have a companion that will always be with him - even for meals. So if there are issues, we should know about them quickly. And if it's too much stress or if the anxiety returns, he'll come home. You can imagine that we'll be missing him and praying like crazy. He'll miss us, I'm sure. But he will be busy serving others and teaching about Jesus Christ. He could go anywhere in the world. We're going crazy waiting to find out where.
His call could come tomorrow -- or in a week. I'll post when I know.
Wednesday, September 11, 2013
September 2013 Update
N just began his senior year! I can't believe it.
He continues to do really well. He is driving and dating. He is busy with a part-time job, 3 AP classes, publishing some of his poetry, and being part of the high school's top choir. He's been brave lately - trying out for the choir as well as some solos, asserting himself and speaking up in class, and letting go of some friends that had been dragging him down
It was a rough semester when he switched friends. He spent a lot of lunches eating by himself. Now, though, a new group of really good kids have pulled him in. He talks about how much better he likes being with this new group. N is such a good kid and I can tell that these kids really like him, too.
There haven't been any issues with anorexia at all. I took him shopping for jeans for the school year without incident. He is really busy and I've seen a few sack lunches come back uneaten. In every case, he has had a legitimate reason. I'm so quick to remind him that he can't skip meals. EVER.
I need to teach him how to eat while on the run. He is often late leaving for school, which means he just grabs a yogurt. If he isn't home for dinner, he isn't good about warming up what we had. He'll snack like crazy instead. That probably isn't a good pattern either. Soon he'll be responsible for his own meals. He has to be ready or he'll set himself up for a potentially relapse. He knows how to cook, but it isn't always convenient to put an entire meal together, but it has to be a priority. Most of the time, we still eat together as a family, but it's these little glimpses of his independent eating that have me a little worried. I've still got this year to teach him and help him put better patterns in place.
He continues to do really well. He is driving and dating. He is busy with a part-time job, 3 AP classes, publishing some of his poetry, and being part of the high school's top choir. He's been brave lately - trying out for the choir as well as some solos, asserting himself and speaking up in class, and letting go of some friends that had been dragging him down
It was a rough semester when he switched friends. He spent a lot of lunches eating by himself. Now, though, a new group of really good kids have pulled him in. He talks about how much better he likes being with this new group. N is such a good kid and I can tell that these kids really like him, too.
There haven't been any issues with anorexia at all. I took him shopping for jeans for the school year without incident. He is really busy and I've seen a few sack lunches come back uneaten. In every case, he has had a legitimate reason. I'm so quick to remind him that he can't skip meals. EVER.
I need to teach him how to eat while on the run. He is often late leaving for school, which means he just grabs a yogurt. If he isn't home for dinner, he isn't good about warming up what we had. He'll snack like crazy instead. That probably isn't a good pattern either. Soon he'll be responsible for his own meals. He has to be ready or he'll set himself up for a potentially relapse. He knows how to cook, but it isn't always convenient to put an entire meal together, but it has to be a priority. Most of the time, we still eat together as a family, but it's these little glimpses of his independent eating that have me a little worried. I've still got this year to teach him and help him put better patterns in place.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
November 2012 Update
Well, we survived the summer. It was good for N to have a hard job and to learn that he can work. He earned some money to save and some to spend. School continues to improve. He got all Bs and one A on his last report card. He is a Junior in high school now and he is starting to think about college. He took his ACT test last week with hopes that his scores would reflect his smarts.
We've had a slight change in his future plans. I've talked before about N wanting to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Last month an announcement was made which changed the minimum age from 19 to 18. N has informed us that he fully intends to go when he is 18 now. The original plan had been to do one year at college and then leave for two years on a mission. I liked the idea of that first year at college. I suspect that he would attend locally. We would insist that he live on his own, but we would still be able to check up on him regularly (especially if he went where his dad is a professor). I felt like that year on his own would help us determine if he would be able to handle the stresses and independence of a mission. Now that one year buffer is potentially gone. We'll need to talk about a lot of these details with his religious leaders and doctors. He doesn't have to go at 18. He can still wait until he is 19 or older, if needed. But he wants to go as soon as possible.
He continues to thrive emotionally and physically. We did have one really bad 30 minutes just about two weeks ago. N saw a recent picture of himself on the computer slideshow. I've always kept the picture folder that the screensaver accesses dated back a few years because this was a problem in the past. I thought it would be fine now, but I was wrong. He saw a picture that made him look "fat" and he refused to eat dinner. It was on a casual eating night where we hadn't been able to eat as a family. I think he thought I wouldn't notice, but I watch carefully and did notice. He threw up all sorts of refusal arguments - completely dredged up from his past issues with anorexia. Finally, I said that if he refused, I would go right back to a magic plate (a plate that I completely prepare) and sit with him until he ate. He also knows from past experience, that I was completely serious. He backed down and ate. I could see that it was an emotional release once he let go.
After he ate, we talked about the danger of what just happened. I always say that he can't EVER skip a meal, which he insists that he understands. However, in that moment, he was able to see the realities of where he was headed. To stop it, he had to eat. He has to remember that for his whole life!
We've had a slight change in his future plans. I've talked before about N wanting to serve a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Last month an announcement was made which changed the minimum age from 19 to 18. N has informed us that he fully intends to go when he is 18 now. The original plan had been to do one year at college and then leave for two years on a mission. I liked the idea of that first year at college. I suspect that he would attend locally. We would insist that he live on his own, but we would still be able to check up on him regularly (especially if he went where his dad is a professor). I felt like that year on his own would help us determine if he would be able to handle the stresses and independence of a mission. Now that one year buffer is potentially gone. We'll need to talk about a lot of these details with his religious leaders and doctors. He doesn't have to go at 18. He can still wait until he is 19 or older, if needed. But he wants to go as soon as possible.
He continues to thrive emotionally and physically. We did have one really bad 30 minutes just about two weeks ago. N saw a recent picture of himself on the computer slideshow. I've always kept the picture folder that the screensaver accesses dated back a few years because this was a problem in the past. I thought it would be fine now, but I was wrong. He saw a picture that made him look "fat" and he refused to eat dinner. It was on a casual eating night where we hadn't been able to eat as a family. I think he thought I wouldn't notice, but I watch carefully and did notice. He threw up all sorts of refusal arguments - completely dredged up from his past issues with anorexia. Finally, I said that if he refused, I would go right back to a magic plate (a plate that I completely prepare) and sit with him until he ate. He also knows from past experience, that I was completely serious. He backed down and ate. I could see that it was an emotional release once he let go.
After he ate, we talked about the danger of what just happened. I always say that he can't EVER skip a meal, which he insists that he understands. However, in that moment, he was able to see the realities of where he was headed. To stop it, he had to eat. He has to remember that for his whole life!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
July 2012 Update
Is it possible for N to continue to improve? I continue to see his anxiety and depression reduce. He still has hiccups, but they come less and less frequently. He got his driver's license last month. His first trip in the car afterwards was to visit a cute girl (so brave of him!). And last night there were two cute girls sitting on our porch with him. Even N's younger, 14 year-old brother said, "I'm so proud!" Both of these things, while they might seem silly, are actually demonstrations of N's reduced anxiety.
We've had two suicides here recently. One was a close friend of N's brother. We held our breath through both, but N seemed to be fine.
I mentioned a long time ago about some struggles that N's brother, J, was having. He ended up getting worse before he got better, but now he just seems so normal We must have a tendency towards some OCD behaviors in our family. But I feel like we dodged a bullet with J because of our extensive education on all things eating-disorders and OCD.
We have another little boy in our home. IB is 6 years old. He was born right before N got sick. N and IB are so similar. I can already see immense amounts of anxiety in this little brother. I've learned how to handle it better, but it doesn't necessarily fix it. Strangely, I find some relief in knowing that. If I could have a do-over with N, there are a million things I would do differently. But this just shows me that doing those things differently still may not have changed the outcome.
N just started his first full-time job today. He'll be doing hard physical work. My new challenge is to help him to apply regular eating appropriate to his workday. I'll also need to help him adjust his breakfasts and lunches in order to provide him the energy he needs (and so that he won't lose weight).
We've had two suicides here recently. One was a close friend of N's brother. We held our breath through both, but N seemed to be fine.
I mentioned a long time ago about some struggles that N's brother, J, was having. He ended up getting worse before he got better, but now he just seems so normal We must have a tendency towards some OCD behaviors in our family. But I feel like we dodged a bullet with J because of our extensive education on all things eating-disorders and OCD.
We have another little boy in our home. IB is 6 years old. He was born right before N got sick. N and IB are so similar. I can already see immense amounts of anxiety in this little brother. I've learned how to handle it better, but it doesn't necessarily fix it. Strangely, I find some relief in knowing that. If I could have a do-over with N, there are a million things I would do differently. But this just shows me that doing those things differently still may not have changed the outcome.
N just started his first full-time job today. He'll be doing hard physical work. My new challenge is to help him to apply regular eating appropriate to his workday. I'll also need to help him adjust his breakfasts and lunches in order to provide him the energy he needs (and so that he won't lose weight).
Monday, March 19, 2012
March 2012 Update
N continues to do well. We've had a handful of conversations about suicide since the first of the year. I've begun to realize those conversations are sometimes a cry for help, but honestly, often they are a manipulation. Either way, he needs to talk. So, whenever he starts talking that way (regardless of his motivation), I make sure that I listen and listen and listen. We've encouraged him to shun even thinking about suicide by singing a song or saying a scripture or whatever it takes. We're teaching him that dwelling on the idea of suicide can fill him with despair instead of faith and hope. We don't want him to pretend that those thoughts aren't there, but teach him instead how to deal with them productively and realistically.
His blessing (that I mentioned in the last post) was very special and filled us all with a lot of hope. We've tried to steer him towards thinking of the future and the plan that God has for him. I am sure that there will be hard times ahead. But every day that passes feels like he is less defined by his illness and despair and is turning toward hope instead.
Real life is still sometimes hard. He wants so desperately to be independent and to be an adult. Yet, sometimes he makes decision that make me wonder what he is thinking (I think this is just the 15 year old boy in him). He still struggles with grades, loves to hang out with friends, and doesn't like to do chores. Sometimes he surprises me - like today when I came home late, I found him home, already doing his homework, and being so polite. He's such a good kid and I'm so grateful to have normal days like this.
His blessing (that I mentioned in the last post) was very special and filled us all with a lot of hope. We've tried to steer him towards thinking of the future and the plan that God has for him. I am sure that there will be hard times ahead. But every day that passes feels like he is less defined by his illness and despair and is turning toward hope instead.
Real life is still sometimes hard. He wants so desperately to be independent and to be an adult. Yet, sometimes he makes decision that make me wonder what he is thinking (I think this is just the 15 year old boy in him). He still struggles with grades, loves to hang out with friends, and doesn't like to do chores. Sometimes he surprises me - like today when I came home late, I found him home, already doing his homework, and being so polite. He's such a good kid and I'm so grateful to have normal days like this.
Saturday, January 28, 2012
Blessings
N is getting ready to have a special blessing in the next few days. Several months ago, he decided that he wanted it and that he was ready. This blessing is similar to the ones that Jacob gave to his sons. [You can read about these blessings in Genesis 48 and 49.] It is similar to a blessing of health or a father's blessing, but this type you receive only once from a specially-ordained patriarch with the priesthood. The blessing is recorded and you get a copy. Think of it as having your own personal guidance from God. It has been a wonderful few weeks as N has been thinking ahead and looking forward to this blessing.
Talking about the blessing has opened up a very productive discussion between us. N has been so cynical lately. He has been letting himself become defined by the discouragement and depression that he often experiences. He has been exploring some edginess and darkness that I have been concerned about. It's that part that could easily descend into drugs or alcohol if he let himself go.
Anyway, I mentioned that I thought he was letting his struggles define him. I talked about two different people with cancer - both experiencing horrible pain and trials. Yet each person still able to decide (even if in only small ways) how they will respond. I reminded him that he is not anorexia - he is not depression. Yes, these are real and painful illnesses that he has - but they don't have to define him. We contrasted that with this blessing that he is getting. This blessing is all about who N is and who he can become. It is about hope and looking forward to the future.
In midst of this conversation, I saw N's eyes open wide. It was amazing to see him realize that he could choose hope instead of despair. In fact, he even said, "but I've been doing this (despairing) for so long, I'm not sure I know how." It was a huge turning point. I could see a new enthusiasm about the future, which was so wonderful. We did remind him that hope doesn't eliminate trials or pain, but that it can change the way that you look at each day.
Now - to help him implement hope into his life instead of despair. I realize that change isn't easy and will be hard to conquer when depression is constantly trying to deprive him of any hope. He already prays regularly. I know that gives him peace and comfort. We're going to try a gratitude journal, where we list things we are thankful for every night. It won't solve the problems of the world, but I hope it can help him change the way he looks at things.
Talking about the blessing has opened up a very productive discussion between us. N has been so cynical lately. He has been letting himself become defined by the discouragement and depression that he often experiences. He has been exploring some edginess and darkness that I have been concerned about. It's that part that could easily descend into drugs or alcohol if he let himself go.
Anyway, I mentioned that I thought he was letting his struggles define him. I talked about two different people with cancer - both experiencing horrible pain and trials. Yet each person still able to decide (even if in only small ways) how they will respond. I reminded him that he is not anorexia - he is not depression. Yes, these are real and painful illnesses that he has - but they don't have to define him. We contrasted that with this blessing that he is getting. This blessing is all about who N is and who he can become. It is about hope and looking forward to the future.
In midst of this conversation, I saw N's eyes open wide. It was amazing to see him realize that he could choose hope instead of despair. In fact, he even said, "but I've been doing this (despairing) for so long, I'm not sure I know how." It was a huge turning point. I could see a new enthusiasm about the future, which was so wonderful. We did remind him that hope doesn't eliminate trials or pain, but that it can change the way that you look at each day.
Now - to help him implement hope into his life instead of despair. I realize that change isn't easy and will be hard to conquer when depression is constantly trying to deprive him of any hope. He already prays regularly. I know that gives him peace and comfort. We're going to try a gratitude journal, where we list things we are thankful for every night. It won't solve the problems of the world, but I hope it can help him change the way he looks at things.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Mystery Illness Baffles Doctors
I was amazed to read this story this afternoon. My initial thought was PANDAS. Someone else suggested Sydenham's Chorea, which I looked up and read about (similar to PANDAS but has more latent time between the strep infection and onset of symptoms). As I read about Sydenham's Chorea and the mention of connections with strep/rheumatic fever as well as OCD behavior, I keep thinking that all of this is somehow connected to and similar to the development of anorexia.
I am flabbergasted about how the doctors have just brushed these girls away and called their reactions, "stress." Sounds like similar things we've all experienced with doctor's flawed reactions about and the subsequent flawed treatment of anorexia.
http://todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/17/10173998-teen-girls-medical-mystery-baffles-doctors
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sydenham's_chorea
I am flabbergasted about how the doctors have just brushed these girls away and called their reactions, "stress." Sounds like similar things we've all experienced with doctor's flawed reactions about and the subsequent flawed treatment of anorexia.
http://todayhealth.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/17/10173998-teen-girls-medical-mystery-baffles-doctors
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sydenham's_chorea
Therapist
Like I mentioned before, we scheduled a visit with N's therapist once we knew he was struggling again. At the point that we finally got in, N was doing significantly better. The visit was productive and we got some suggestions for helping him deal with stress, responding to threats of suicide, and managing his depression. The doctor suggested meds again, which we are still reluctant to use because of the increased suicide risk for some kids.
N has cycled back into a low - but not as low as before. We are managing things better with him and the reminders from his doctor seem to help. Food is really not ever an issue for him anymore. But there must be lingering damage from damage done when he was malnourished or simply from something that harmed his brain. He is often depressed. We need to set up another appointment.
It's interesting to me that he is choosing friends that are also dealing with depression. 2 out of 2 is pretty consistent statistics. I think they relate to each other well, but they can also enable each other.
N has cycled back into a low - but not as low as before. We are managing things better with him and the reminders from his doctor seem to help. Food is really not ever an issue for him anymore. But there must be lingering damage from damage done when he was malnourished or simply from something that harmed his brain. He is often depressed. We need to set up another appointment.
It's interesting to me that he is choosing friends that are also dealing with depression. 2 out of 2 is pretty consistent statistics. I think they relate to each other well, but they can also enable each other.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Suicide
N is talking quite a bit more about suicide again. It started with a friend that made him angry. N wanted to lash out at this friend. At the same time, N's health class tackled the topic of suicide. The teacher was talking statistics - something like 30% consider suicide but only 17% have a plan. N was angry with the discussion. He described comments made by the other students, but that "they don't really know how it feels." And "I'm one of the 17% with a plan."
This was all poured out to me in the car as I drove him to a friend's home. I've always heard that suicide is a cry for help, so I told him that and asked "how could I help?" His response was that just by listening and taking him seriously I was helping. I could tell he felt better after our hour-long conversation.
A few days later or earlier (I can't remember now), I had been telling my husband the story of one of my high school friends who shot herself in the middle of an orchard. We knew she had been talking about suicide. We even knew she had a gun. But she had been talking about it for so long, that we really didn't take it seriously. I asked my husband, "why didn't we tell anyone?" I can't believe we didn't do anything about it. (Actually we did tell some adults, but they didn't really take her seriously either). We tried to talk her out of it and we tried to love her, but it wasn't enough.
Anyway, as I thought about this past story, I wondered why I wasn't taking N more seriously. No, I don't think he is suicidal, but I do think that he thinks about suicide. And I do think that he needs some additional attention - and to be taken seriously.
So, we've made an appointment to see N's therapist. It's been two whole years since we were there last. I talked to the doctor briefly enough to ensure that this would be the best place to take N. I like that they have a past relationship and that Dr. R gets that anorexia is a major complicating factor and/or cause. Dr. R did recommend getting N onto an antidepressant. I'm reluctant. I'd rather tackle the issues than throw meds into the mix - especially where suicide is an increased risk with some antidepressants. But I'd do it to save my son's life.
My shoulder's ache with the constant heavy worry about N. It never stops.
This was all poured out to me in the car as I drove him to a friend's home. I've always heard that suicide is a cry for help, so I told him that and asked "how could I help?" His response was that just by listening and taking him seriously I was helping. I could tell he felt better after our hour-long conversation.
A few days later or earlier (I can't remember now), I had been telling my husband the story of one of my high school friends who shot herself in the middle of an orchard. We knew she had been talking about suicide. We even knew she had a gun. But she had been talking about it for so long, that we really didn't take it seriously. I asked my husband, "why didn't we tell anyone?" I can't believe we didn't do anything about it. (Actually we did tell some adults, but they didn't really take her seriously either). We tried to talk her out of it and we tried to love her, but it wasn't enough.
Anyway, as I thought about this past story, I wondered why I wasn't taking N more seriously. No, I don't think he is suicidal, but I do think that he thinks about suicide. And I do think that he needs some additional attention - and to be taken seriously.
So, we've made an appointment to see N's therapist. It's been two whole years since we were there last. I talked to the doctor briefly enough to ensure that this would be the best place to take N. I like that they have a past relationship and that Dr. R gets that anorexia is a major complicating factor and/or cause. Dr. R did recommend getting N onto an antidepressant. I'm reluctant. I'd rather tackle the issues than throw meds into the mix - especially where suicide is an increased risk with some antidepressants. But I'd do it to save my son's life.
My shoulder's ache with the constant heavy worry about N. It never stops.
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