Visiting Grandma

We spent this afternoon with N's Great Grandma & Grandpa. They've been aware of N's illness and have prayed with the rest of us for his recovery. At the end of our visit, she asked how N was doing. She then told me about a relative's friend that is suffering from anorexia (and later we found out bulimia).

I've had several talks with Grandma about N's recovery, the research that we've found, and the different ways of looking at this illness. But I was surprised to hear her ask about this 18 year-old girl, "Why would she do this?" I was surprised because I thought we had blasted through those old stereotypes long ago. Yet all of a sudden, I realized that all of our conversations hadn't changed those old perceptions. So, once again, I (along with my son and husband) corrected her and said, "it's not about that, it's a brain disorder." I could hear in her tone a belief that this daughter was "doing this" to her parents.

I must confess that I wondered for the first time if all the education that we're trying to spread is even making any difference.

Weigh-In

I had N weigh himself last night. He is down two pounds to 116. I've been more relaxed about his calorie intake (which in some ways is a good thing) and N is busy with friends and school and is not really paying as much attention either. I've got to stay on top of things. Christmas is a good week to get back those pounds, hopefully without much effort.

Measure-In

I measured N the other day. He has grown so much since February. He is now 5' 1 3/4" -- just 1/4" shorter than me. :o)

Fears of the Future

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how having anorexia will affect N's future. I hear stories of many who have beat the anorexia and have moved on without looking back. Still, I watch him now, doing so well, yet still fighting the triggers. Will that happen his whole life or just through his teen years?

I also hear of set backs that happen as children begin college or move out. How will he do when he starts school? Because T is a college professor, we receive a tuition benefit. Hopefully that keeps N close to home where we can keep an eye on him. We've always been big advocates of the importance of living at college, but will that be the best for him? Will he be better off living at home?

N has a goal to serve for two years as a volunteer missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Typically, missionaries live in less-than-idea conditions. Often they are sent to foreign countries and these 19 - 21 year-old boys work hard! Not only do they teach people about Jesus Christ, but they also serve the people wherever they go. My already skinny husband lost a lot of weight when he served a mission for two years in South America. How will that affect N? Will he even be able to serve? Or will he be kept in the United States because of the anorexia.

What about military service? N recently discussed the possibilities of joining a ROTC program during college. Would they even take him? What if he went to war? War time conditions would almost absolutely result in weight-loss which we already know is a trigger. I worry that he wouldn't survive a relapse of anorexia in those conditions.

What about the lingering OCD issues? Will they stop him from being all that he can be? And mostly, what about a family? Will anorexia triggers always have to be a concern for his wife?

So many worries! Do any of you know (or can predict somewhat) the answers to these questions?

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just wanted to mention how thankful I am for the progress that N has made over the past year. I'm thankful for all of you and your support throughout the journey. I'm thankful for Dr. R. and the fact that he is the really the perfect blend of family and patient support (since we haven't been able to find a Maudsley therapist). I'm also thankful for Laura Collins, her advocacy and support as well as the forum she created (http://aroundthedinnertable.org) that I credit with saving us. I'm also thankful that Heavenly Father has blessed us with a full measure of support and his spirit during this time -- and also his son, Jesus Christ who has already carried this burden.

Weigh-In

I forgot to mention that a trip to the doctor's office a week ago Sunday, put N's weight at 118 lbs.

On The Big Screen

How do you feel about yourself when you see yourself in a family movie? Yesterday, N made a movie for a school assignment. The "I look so fat, my hair is stupid and my voice sounds funny" ended up being a trigger for him. He was cranky and disrespectful last night and this morning. He also cried for several minutes about all those anxieties unearthed by seeing himself on tv. I tried to reassure him that almost everyone feels that way when they see themselves on the screen. He didn't believe me.

Though it was a bump, N hasn't had a bad day since he skipped breakfast back three weeks ago. He did have an appointment with his therapist last night. We discussed the idea of fasting again. Dr. R. just indicated that as long as fasting is a trigger, then N can't do it. I suspect that will have to be something that N will have to be aware of throughout his whole life. N also discussed land mines that he has encountered as well as what to do when he becomes desperate and ravenous. Dr. R. said that N should keep up his blood sugar -- little meals constantly. I'm just not sure how to work that into his school day. I've not been sending snacks and apparently I need to resume.

One Year

It was one year ago that I discovered the forum, Around The Dinner Table and consequently learned about the Maudsley Method. N's weight, morale, and behaviors had been declining until on November 11, 2008 when I began applying the Maudsley Method to our approach. The results were almost immediate. T, upon returning from a family trip, and who hadn't seen N for several days, said the difference was stark. It was one year ago that we first found hope. Without the forum as well as the Maudsley approach, it's hard to imagine where we would be today. I remember N's therapist stating that we needed to think of N's recovery in terms of months and years instead of days and weeks. That was such a scary prospect. What a difficult and yet amazing year it has been. We've come so far!

Recovery

N is doing great. We seem to be in the middle of a good spell. I find myself rarely thinking about the anorexia and our family feels so "normal" right now. I think we've finally reached the point where I can say that he is officially in remission/recovery. N still has bad days, but there are more good ones now.

Skipping Breakfast

Getting up on time isn't a characteristic that N has developed yet. Last Sunday, he was planning to join his youth group at a local developmental center (for older patients) to present a sacrament service. Unfortunately, he didn't get up at 6:00, 6:20, 6:40 or 7:10 when he was reminded. I think he stumbled into the shower at 7:25. He asked me to drive him to our church at 8:00 (he was supposed to be there at 7:30). After I explained that they had already left him, I drove him to the center and he eventually found his group.

Well, in the process he skipped breakfast. It's amazing to me how much of a difference that missing one meal makes. They didn't get back until almost 12:00 and we were in our own sacrament service by then. So, he ran home and ate and then joined us for Sunday School. But by then, the anorexia was extremely strong and overall it was a long day for him and us. He fought low self-image and eating issues all day long. Monday morning was better, but still difficult.

On the first Sunday of each month we fast (don't eat) for 2 meals. We donate the cost of the meals we would have eaten to feed the poor. N was instructed immediately after he was diagnosed with anorexia that he could no longer fast. I've been wanting to ask if he might be ready to try fasting again, but now I know the answer. I won't even ask. I wonder if he'll ever be able to fast again.

Camping

N went camping last Friday night. He has done so well that I didn't reiterate any concerns with his leaders. I think we're to the point that we may need to manage things from home now. I sent him with a good dinner and some candy bars to supplement, if needed. I think dinner was fine. For breakfast, however, they fed the boys donuts, soda, and Doritos. For lunch he had a Slurpee. He came home starving, but candy-bars in hand that he hadn't eaten because he was so sweetened-out. I guess I need to find some portable, dense-calorie foods that he can eat in a situation like that. Any suggestions? I sent an apple, but I think even the idea of eating it was too sweet.

Grades

N finished his first junior high quarter on Friday. His grades were all As and one B. Fantastic! Last year his grades fell as he became ill with anorexia and he primarily got Fs. Those grades seem to correlate with his recovery. In May, I was already seeing him care more. It seems we've come full circle.

He is the kind of kid that is capable of getting all As. But actually, I'd rather he didn't. I feel like it would be better to have a no-stress, easy-breezy attitude about grades. Instead we've been working on turning in all of his assignments. He finally earned some incentive money these past two weeks for having everything turned in. In order to keep things low stress, but still have him working towards something, I rejected goal-plans that were punitive. It seems like a little bit of money was just the carrot he needed.