I weighed N this morning AFTER he had eaten breakfast. So this is not a completely accurate weight, but it does illustrate his progress. He is now 100.5 lbs.
We've given him some choices in his eating, but it's not necessarily going well. He still tends to eat very little when given the choice. This morning he said that breakfast was a yogurt. I finally got off his case when he had eaten a buckwheat pancakes and some strawberries.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
September Log
During June of 2008, I found an old eating/behavior log that I made while I was cleaning out the car for a trip to a family reunion. I originally wrote the log last September before N had been diagnosed or even seen a therapist. He had only been sick with anorexia for about 2 months. I originally posted the log here.
Due to resulting sequential confusion, I've moved last September's log here:
http://nourishingmyson.blogspot.com/2007/10/log.html
Due to resulting sequential confusion, I've moved last September's log here:
http://nourishingmyson.blogspot.com/2007/10/log.html
Genetic Connections
Well, we're back. It's been a fun, but tense week. N did really well overall. He said that he felt very self-conscious the whole time. He really looks up to his Aunts & Uncles and I think it was important to him that he look good to them. I had several ask (or just listen) about N's story, what we've learned and what is currently happening with him. I'm always happy to make another person aware of the realities of anorexia.
It's interesting to me that this part of our extended family has some eating/feeding issues. I sent an email ahead of our arrival, educating all the adults about things they needed to be aware of. Most of the time everyone was very sensitive. Yet, there were still some low moments. There is usually a large volume of weight/food discussion with this crowd and even with restraint some of that concern still slipped through. Even though the comments weren't specifically about dieting, they were often about eating too little or too much. They were never directed at N, but rather at his brothers or cousins. N also has a four year-old cousin with a feeding disorder. She is currently seeing an OT. Her mom is a registered dietitian. Food issues with this side of the family run pretty deep - even more than I am mentioning.
All of these familial food issues make me wonder again about the genetic connections to eating disorders.
It's interesting to me that this part of our extended family has some eating/feeding issues. I sent an email ahead of our arrival, educating all the adults about things they needed to be aware of. Most of the time everyone was very sensitive. Yet, there were still some low moments. There is usually a large volume of weight/food discussion with this crowd and even with restraint some of that concern still slipped through. Even though the comments weren't specifically about dieting, they were often about eating too little or too much. They were never directed at N, but rather at his brothers or cousins. N also has a four year-old cousin with a feeding disorder. She is currently seeing an OT. Her mom is a registered dietitian. Food issues with this side of the family run pretty deep - even more than I am mentioning.
All of these familial food issues make me wonder again about the genetic connections to eating disorders.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Family Reunion
We're having a family reunion this week. We've changed all of our summer routines and eating patterns again. N is struggling and regressing a bit. It's tough to be surrounded with unfamiliarity and deal with this disease. We try our best to maintain his dignity. But I also take any opportunity possible to educate our extended family about anorexia. Maybe their awareness of the realities of anorexia will help someone else down the line.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Weigh-In
I weighed N on Sunday. He is up to 96.5 lbs.
I'm still struggling with getting into a summer routine. I'm also struggling with N's meals. He seems to be riding the crest of a wave right now and is doing well.
I'm still struggling with getting into a summer routine. I'm also struggling with N's meals. He seems to be riding the crest of a wave right now and is doing well.
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
Weigh-In
I weighed N this morning. He gained 1 1/2 lbs over the past (not quite) 2 weeks. I haven't measured his height since mid-April so we remeasured him. He is now 5' 3/8" tall. He basically grew 1/2" in 2 months. No wonder his pants look short all of a sudden.
I've notice lately that weight is coming on more easily. It seemed like, at one point, it would take a month for him to put on a single pound. Now he can put on a pound in a week. Perhaps his hypermetabolism is slowing down a bit.
I've notice lately that weight is coming on more easily. It seemed like, at one point, it would take a month for him to put on a single pound. Now he can put on a pound in a week. Perhaps his hypermetabolism is slowing down a bit.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
School and Lunch
I'm tired. My two year-old is very "off" since school got out. I think he is having a hard time adjusting to the boys being around all day. I'm also feeling a bit "off" as is, I think, N. I've incorporated a bit more structure back into our meals today, which seems to be helping N. In the past, we've all just grabbed breakfast as we woke up and got on with our day. Often we ate breakfast and lunch together, but sometimes we didn't. That worked great when N didn't have anorexia.
I hadn't realized how important that N going to school each day was to help me regroup. Some days, he wasn't at school very long. But it was enough for me to get a shower. I was always more ready for the long evening stretches because I had time to catch my breath. When the kids are home all day, I don't ever get that break. It makes for long days when the anorexia is particularly strong.
N ate school lunch during almost all of last year. He would report what he had eaten and was always very honest. We would adjust his afternoon snack if he had not had enough to eat. His eating school lunch made one less meal that I had to plan or worry about. Because he got sick right as school started, I really haven't had to worry too much about his lunches. It's a big change, now, to have to think about all three meals. N is doing a lot better. I'm not having to manage his snacks, really. In fact, I mostly just check to make sure that he has had them. But, I do feel like I'm always thinking about and planning food. I think that his eating school lunch (and staying in school) was a tender mercy for me.
I hadn't realized how important that N going to school each day was to help me regroup. Some days, he wasn't at school very long. But it was enough for me to get a shower. I was always more ready for the long evening stretches because I had time to catch my breath. When the kids are home all day, I don't ever get that break. It makes for long days when the anorexia is particularly strong.
N ate school lunch during almost all of last year. He would report what he had eaten and was always very honest. We would adjust his afternoon snack if he had not had enough to eat. His eating school lunch made one less meal that I had to plan or worry about. Because he got sick right as school started, I really haven't had to worry too much about his lunches. It's a big change, now, to have to think about all three meals. N is doing a lot better. I'm not having to manage his snacks, really. In fact, I mostly just check to make sure that he has had them. But, I do feel like I'm always thinking about and planning food. I think that his eating school lunch (and staying in school) was a tender mercy for me.
Monday, June 2, 2008
Summer
It's our first official day of summer, today. I like the idea of the lazy days of summer, but I'm not a fan of kids sitting around all day watching tv. So, I've set up loose schedules for my kids. Really, they have a lot of say in what happens and when. I don't think that there are too many expectations:
*Make bed and straighten room.
*15 minutes of guitar practice.
*15 minutes of writing or math.
*20 minutes of reading.
*10 minutes reading to 2 year-old brother.
*One work assignment each day (dusting, weeding, etc.).
*Help clean up dinner dishes (sweep, clear or load).
We limit "media" time to 1 1/2 hours. So really that should leave hours and hours of free time each day. But N has already taken until 2:15 today to complete his list. Both meals have been rough. He is resisting and restricting. I think it will just take some time to set up new routines and expectations. I can already feel the tension in my shoulders.
*Make bed and straighten room.
*15 minutes of guitar practice.
*15 minutes of writing or math.
*20 minutes of reading.
*10 minutes reading to 2 year-old brother.
*One work assignment each day (dusting, weeding, etc.).
*Help clean up dinner dishes (sweep, clear or load).
We limit "media" time to 1 1/2 hours. So really that should leave hours and hours of free time each day. But N has already taken until 2:15 today to complete his list. Both meals have been rough. He is resisting and restricting. I think it will just take some time to set up new routines and expectations. I can already feel the tension in my shoulders.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Regrets
N and I met with his therapist last night. It took almost the whole time for us to really get at the root of N's current issues. And then our time was up.
We talked about handing over some control of food choices back to N. We're going to let him make lunch choices. I'll weigh him extra and watch him carefully. I'll go fully back to the "magic plate" approach if he isn't making good choices. We also talked about continued work on the OCD things. N says that he is doing better but the OCD is still there. We also talked about N's increasing tendency to exercise as much as he can. Dr. R's recommendations were that N only exercise if he really enjoys what he is doing -- and the second it become a chore or that he is only doing it because he has to, then he stops.
There were eventually tears, though, when Dr. R. defined "recovery from anorexia" as really liking yourself no matter what you look like. I turned to N and asked, "how do you feel about yourself?" His response was, "Well, I don't hate myself like I used to." As we talked for the remaining five minutes, it was clear that N still doesn't like himself. The strategy that we're using is to focus on the positive and say, "whatever" to the negative. We talked more about this on the drive home. He cried but tried so hard to not let me see the tears, which made me even more sad for him. I heard N compare himself over and over to all those kids in his Accelerated class. They are smart, funny, athletic, driven and talented kids who also stand out as leaders. All he sees is where he falls short compared to these other kids.
I've really waffled about giving up the accelerated options that N has for junior high. It's so hard for me to let go of those opportunities, for which he is fully qualified. But the real issue is what is best for N. Perhaps, it is for the best that he be surrounded by more "normal" kids in "normal" classes where he can feel talented to some degree and not just compare himself to the "best." Certainly, the courses will be easier.
T is convinced that "we did this to him" and caused the anorexia by putting N into a situation where his self-esteem was hit which caused anxiety, depression and ultimately caused him to feel fat and diet. It's the first time that I've really seen that maybe my husband doesn't fully buy into the genetic/biological/metabolic causes of anorexia. Is that just because he feels guilty? Should I feel guilty? All I know is that we prayed to know whether or not N should go into the ALL program. We had mixed feelings, but I didn't feel bad about it. But it doesn't matter, does it? I can't change the past. Hopefully, we'll be able to make good decisions for N's future, knowing what we know now.
We talked about handing over some control of food choices back to N. We're going to let him make lunch choices. I'll weigh him extra and watch him carefully. I'll go fully back to the "magic plate" approach if he isn't making good choices. We also talked about continued work on the OCD things. N says that he is doing better but the OCD is still there. We also talked about N's increasing tendency to exercise as much as he can. Dr. R's recommendations were that N only exercise if he really enjoys what he is doing -- and the second it become a chore or that he is only doing it because he has to, then he stops.
There were eventually tears, though, when Dr. R. defined "recovery from anorexia" as really liking yourself no matter what you look like. I turned to N and asked, "how do you feel about yourself?" His response was, "Well, I don't hate myself like I used to." As we talked for the remaining five minutes, it was clear that N still doesn't like himself. The strategy that we're using is to focus on the positive and say, "whatever" to the negative. We talked more about this on the drive home. He cried but tried so hard to not let me see the tears, which made me even more sad for him. I heard N compare himself over and over to all those kids in his Accelerated class. They are smart, funny, athletic, driven and talented kids who also stand out as leaders. All he sees is where he falls short compared to these other kids.
I've really waffled about giving up the accelerated options that N has for junior high. It's so hard for me to let go of those opportunities, for which he is fully qualified. But the real issue is what is best for N. Perhaps, it is for the best that he be surrounded by more "normal" kids in "normal" classes where he can feel talented to some degree and not just compare himself to the "best." Certainly, the courses will be easier.
T is convinced that "we did this to him" and caused the anorexia by putting N into a situation where his self-esteem was hit which caused anxiety, depression and ultimately caused him to feel fat and diet. It's the first time that I've really seen that maybe my husband doesn't fully buy into the genetic/biological/metabolic causes of anorexia. Is that just because he feels guilty? Should I feel guilty? All I know is that we prayed to know whether or not N should go into the ALL program. We had mixed feelings, but I didn't feel bad about it. But it doesn't matter, does it? I can't change the past. Hopefully, we'll be able to make good decisions for N's future, knowing what we know now.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Fat Legs
I should know better.
Last night I made a comment about my 25 month-old's cute, little, fat legs chugging down the hall (it's absolutely endearing!). Almost immediately, N, who I didn't know was even listening, demanded, "are you calling mine and I's legs fat?" My response: "I didn't say anything about your legs." I tried to explain that we can appreciated all shapes and sizes. But he insisted that my calling I's legs, "fat" was a comment about the fatness of his own legs. He had already made a comment earlier in the day about his legs being fat. For the most part, I've learned to ignore those sorts of things. My husband's comment was, "I can't believe you just said that."
I should know better.
Last night I made a comment about my 25 month-old's cute, little, fat legs chugging down the hall (it's absolutely endearing!). Almost immediately, N, who I didn't know was even listening, demanded, "are you calling mine and I's legs fat?" My response: "I didn't say anything about your legs." I tried to explain that we can appreciated all shapes and sizes. But he insisted that my calling I's legs, "fat" was a comment about the fatness of his own legs. He had already made a comment earlier in the day about his legs being fat. For the most part, I've learned to ignore those sorts of things. My husband's comment was, "I can't believe you just said that."
I should know better.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Priesthood
You might have detected from some of my earlier posts that we are a Christian family. I don't talk about it tons since this is not really a blog about religion, but religion is a big part of our life and N's life. So please indulge me for a minute. It's been an important week for our family religiously.
We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I accept Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour. I believe in the bible. I also believe that because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice and because of the power of the priesthood, that our family can be a family together after death. I love my family. The idea that we can be together always is one of my favorite teachings of our church. There is a lot of confusion in the world about what our church believes and what it doesn't believe -- a lot of what is assumed and reported is completely wrong. So please feel free to ask any questions that you might have (or you can read more here). I'm happy to clear things up and won't be offended if you're confused.
Anyway, upon turning 12 years old and because he was worthy, N was able to receive the priesthood and be ordained as a Deacon this past week. This means he'll be involved in passing the bread and water of the sacrament to the other members of the congregation. He will also collect fast offerings (this money goes to feed struggling families). Our extended family traveled to attend church with us on Sunday. They were there when N was ordained. It was such a nice day and a special experience. I can see a difference in N since then. It's been a good thing for him.
He has also started attending our church youth group. I'm pleased that he is able to interact with such a good group of kids (both girls and boys). These kids are good examples of choosing the right and being kind to others. I know that N already looks up to many of them. I think that they will serve as important mentors in N's life.
With these changes, come some new challenges, though. He'll be going on a week-long camp out this summer. We're already making special arrangements for him through his church leaders. I'm also watching carefully for any additional stress or pressure.
These events have made a subtle difference in the anorexia. N continues to progress and is often eating without having to ask us for permission. I've had several people comment recently on how much happier N seems. I agree. He has his color back. He is full of energy, enthusiasm and happiness. It is such a contrast to his demeanor last November.
We are members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I accept Jesus Christ as my personal Saviour. I believe in the bible. I also believe that because of Jesus Christ's sacrifice and because of the power of the priesthood, that our family can be a family together after death. I love my family. The idea that we can be together always is one of my favorite teachings of our church. There is a lot of confusion in the world about what our church believes and what it doesn't believe -- a lot of what is assumed and reported is completely wrong. So please feel free to ask any questions that you might have (or you can read more here). I'm happy to clear things up and won't be offended if you're confused.
Anyway, upon turning 12 years old and because he was worthy, N was able to receive the priesthood and be ordained as a Deacon this past week. This means he'll be involved in passing the bread and water of the sacrament to the other members of the congregation. He will also collect fast offerings (this money goes to feed struggling families). Our extended family traveled to attend church with us on Sunday. They were there when N was ordained. It was such a nice day and a special experience. I can see a difference in N since then. It's been a good thing for him.
He has also started attending our church youth group. I'm pleased that he is able to interact with such a good group of kids (both girls and boys). These kids are good examples of choosing the right and being kind to others. I know that N already looks up to many of them. I think that they will serve as important mentors in N's life.
With these changes, come some new challenges, though. He'll be going on a week-long camp out this summer. We're already making special arrangements for him through his church leaders. I'm also watching carefully for any additional stress or pressure.
These events have made a subtle difference in the anorexia. N continues to progress and is often eating without having to ask us for permission. I've had several people comment recently on how much happier N seems. I agree. He has his color back. He is full of energy, enthusiasm and happiness. It is such a contrast to his demeanor last November.
Wii Fit
I mentioned earlier that N's birthday was this week. N has been saving his money for months trying to purchase a wii system and he finally reached his goal this week. So, on his birthday, he purchased his wii. He's had a blast playing the wii sports program that comes with the console. It's no surprise to me that he prefers the wii over his ps2. After all, the anorexia seems to compel him to exercise as much as possible, and movement is the big selling point of the wii.
I think I knew that he would also be drawn to the new wii fit program. Again, it's the same magnetic draw of exercise in any form. I also knew that we wouldn't let him purchase the game, especially because we are already limiting exercise -- as much because of the calorie drain as because of the OCD compulsion.
I've read a handful of reviews since wii-fit's release. I was horrified to find out that wii-fit has you input your height and weight, in order to determine BMI, and then adjusts your mii's appearance accordingly. One disgusted woman described her amazement as the program made her custom-created mii (your character) "even fatter" after she entered her BMI. She said it adjusted her character to a setting even higher than those available where you create your characters. I also watched a youtube video where a man's character was made to look fat because he had a higher weight due to muscle mass. I can't believe this! There is no way I would let N buy this program now that I know this fact. It's one thing that he struggles with his own actual body image. I'm sure that any wii-fit adjustments to his mii would just mirror the body image distortion that exists in his disordered brain. How is that society has taken warped body images even to the virtual world?
Update: I read this article this afternoon. Apparently, the wii-fit program doesn't even use appropriate BMIs for children.
I think I knew that he would also be drawn to the new wii fit program. Again, it's the same magnetic draw of exercise in any form. I also knew that we wouldn't let him purchase the game, especially because we are already limiting exercise -- as much because of the calorie drain as because of the OCD compulsion.
I've read a handful of reviews since wii-fit's release. I was horrified to find out that wii-fit has you input your height and weight, in order to determine BMI, and then adjusts your mii's appearance accordingly. One disgusted woman described her amazement as the program made her custom-created mii (your character) "even fatter" after she entered her BMI. She said it adjusted her character to a setting even higher than those available where you create your characters. I also watched a youtube video where a man's character was made to look fat because he had a higher weight due to muscle mass. I can't believe this! There is no way I would let N buy this program now that I know this fact. It's one thing that he struggles with his own actual body image. I'm sure that any wii-fit adjustments to his mii would just mirror the body image distortion that exists in his disordered brain. How is that society has taken warped body images even to the virtual world?
Update: I read this article this afternoon. Apparently, the wii-fit program doesn't even use appropriate BMIs for children.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
