Sundays

We returned home on Saturday and I could tell that N's struggles continued. T brought N home mid-way through church on Sunday so he could eat. All of a sudden, N is very concerned about the other kids seeing him eat during church. In the past, I've taken a snack for him to eat during our Sacrament service. He specifically requested, though, that we find a different way. We've tried increasing what he eats right before church, but that has only worked somewhat. Sunday, he left early to collect cash donations (fast offerings) to help the poor. He was going to leave without even eating breakfast. I refused to let him go until he had eaten breakfast, which was a bit of a battle because it made him late (I'm actually happy that he cared about being late). He didn't have a chance to make it home before our services started - and he just met us there. I'm not sure what the solution is to this problem. But we'll probably have to continue bringing him home part way until we find a better solution.

On a different note, N has been asked to speak next Sunday in church. His topic: "The Body is Sacred." I'm not sure what to do with that. T and I discussed it last night and decided to have N go ahead and speak. We're going to have to be highly involved in the preparation of his talk. I don't think those who asked him to speak are aware of the anorexia. I think they would be horrified if they knew how difficult this could be. If at any point we feel that it is becoming a problem, I think we'll immediately ask to change his topic.

Independence Day

We went out of town for Independence Day. It was a fun weekend with my whole extended family. My parents have a fantastic blow-up water-slide and oodles of water-guns. So, my boys had a ball playing and having water-fights with their uncles. N was particularly self conscious because he was in a swimming suit. He has been particularly self deprecating about the photos his uncle took. Sometimes photographs are as bad as a mirror.

I made the mistake of not sending a "reminder" email to the relatives like I did at Christmas (or with the other side of the family a month ago). There were a couple of comments made that were real doozies. There was also an assumption made in one case, that because N's weight was back up, that he must be better. I did my best to explain the realities of the ongoing mental battle that N fights everyday. It's frustrating at times to have to continually debunk all the common misconceptions about anorexia.

A Dip

I weighed N several days ago. He had lost 2 lbs and was 98.5 lbs. I guess he isn't ready for control over any of his eating yet.

Movies

I know that N will encounter erroneous information, bad attitudes, and generally things that make him want to diet his whole life. I think he is still developing the skills, though, to process and discard those societal influences that push him towards anorexia. We've seen two movies this month that have challenged those abilities. After each movie, we had a conversation to discuss the feelings & thoughts encountered in the movies.

Kung Fu Panda
At first I was worried about this film. We hadn't read a synopsis (our bad) and found ourselves glancing worriedly at each other as the film began. Jack Black is a panda with a self-esteem issues because of weight. There are several cracks directed his way throughout the movie about his weight. But in the end, it is because of his weight and who he is that the panda succeeds. I thought the overall message was a good one. N said it didn't give him any problems.

WALL-E
Again, I didn't read a synopsis of this movie. But then again, how could a movie about a little robot have anything to do with weight? Actually, one of the main themes in the movie was all about weight. When Wall-E finally encounters the humans on the main ship they are all very obese. The movie illustrates through a series of captain's pictures that the humans have become increasingly obese over the years. The movie tries to make a strong point that if we do nothing // are lazy // are stupid // that we will all become obese. Unfortunately, it didn't make clear that the opposite is not true (that someone who is obese isn't necessarily lazy or stupid). I'm afraid is just perpetuates inaccurate stereotypes. These themes did give N issues. He kept talking about all those "lazy slobs just laying around." We've had to have two or three conversations about what is "normal" eating. We've also talked a lot about choosing to be active, eat well, and be okay with the right shape for your body.

I'm not sure the conversation is over. I've also seen an upswing in anorexic behaviours in the past day. Lesson - don't ever assume a movie can't possibly address weight. And to those of you thinking of taking your kids with anorexia to see WALL-E, you probably want to preview it first. This is probably a movie to avoid.

Weigh-In

I weighed N this morning AFTER he had eaten breakfast. So this is not a completely accurate weight, but it does illustrate his progress. He is now 100.5 lbs.

We've given him some choices in his eating, but it's not necessarily going well. He still tends to eat very little when given the choice. This morning he said that breakfast was a yogurt. I finally got off his case when he had eaten a buckwheat pancakes and some strawberries.

September Log

During June of 2008, I found an old eating/behavior log that I made while I was cleaning out the car for a trip to a family reunion. I originally wrote the log last September before N had been diagnosed or even seen a therapist. He had only been sick with anorexia for about 2 months. I originally posted the log here.

Due to resulting sequential confusion, I've moved last September's log here:
http://nourishingmyson.blogspot.com/2007/10/log.html

Genetic Connections

Well, we're back. It's been a fun, but tense week. N did really well overall. He said that he felt very self-conscious the whole time. He really looks up to his Aunts & Uncles and I think it was important to him that he look good to them. I had several ask (or just listen) about N's story, what we've learned and what is currently happening with him. I'm always happy to make another person aware of the realities of anorexia.

It's interesting to me that this part of our extended family has some eating/feeding issues. I sent an email ahead of our arrival, educating all the adults about things they needed to be aware of. Most of the time everyone was very sensitive. Yet, there were still some low moments. There is usually a large volume of weight/food discussion with this crowd and even with restraint some of that concern still slipped through. Even though the comments weren't specifically about dieting, they were often about eating too little or too much. They were never directed at N, but rather at his brothers or cousins. N also has a four year-old cousin with a feeding disorder. She is currently seeing an OT. Her mom is a registered dietitian. Food issues with this side of the family run pretty deep - even more than I am mentioning.

All of these familial food issues make me wonder again about the genetic connections to eating disorders.

Family Reunion

We're having a family reunion this week. We've changed all of our summer routines and eating patterns again. N is struggling and regressing a bit. It's tough to be surrounded with unfamiliarity and deal with this disease. We try our best to maintain his dignity. But I also take any opportunity possible to educate our extended family about anorexia. Maybe their awareness of the realities of anorexia will help someone else down the line.

Weigh-In

I weighed N on Sunday. He is up to 96.5 lbs.

I'm still struggling with getting into a summer routine. I'm also struggling with N's meals. He seems to be riding the crest of a wave right now and is doing well.

Weigh-In

I weighed N this morning. He gained 1 1/2 lbs over the past (not quite) 2 weeks. I haven't measured his height since mid-April so we remeasured him. He is now 5' 3/8" tall. He basically grew 1/2" in 2 months. No wonder his pants look short all of a sudden.

I've notice lately that weight is coming on more easily. It seemed like, at one point, it would take a month for him to put on a single pound. Now he can put on a pound in a week. Perhaps his hypermetabolism is slowing down a bit.

School and Lunch

I'm tired. My two year-old is very "off" since school got out. I think he is having a hard time adjusting to the boys being around all day. I'm also feeling a bit "off" as is, I think, N. I've incorporated a bit more structure back into our meals today, which seems to be helping N. In the past, we've all just grabbed breakfast as we woke up and got on with our day. Often we ate breakfast and lunch together, but sometimes we didn't. That worked great when N didn't have anorexia.

I hadn't realized how important that N going to school each day was to help me regroup. Some days, he wasn't at school very long. But it was enough for me to get a shower. I was always more ready for the long evening stretches because I had time to catch my breath. When the kids are home all day, I don't ever get that break. It makes for long days when the anorexia is particularly strong.

N ate school lunch during almost all of last year. He would report what he had eaten and was always very honest. We would adjust his afternoon snack if he had not had enough to eat. His eating school lunch made one less meal that I had to plan or worry about. Because he got sick right as school started, I really haven't had to worry too much about his lunches. It's a big change, now, to have to think about all three meals. N is doing a lot better. I'm not having to manage his snacks, really. In fact, I mostly just check to make sure that he has had them. But, I do feel like I'm always thinking about and planning food. I think that his eating school lunch (and staying in school) was a tender mercy for me.

Summer

It's our first official day of summer, today. I like the idea of the lazy days of summer, but I'm not a fan of kids sitting around all day watching tv. So, I've set up loose schedules for my kids. Really, they have a lot of say in what happens and when. I don't think that there are too many expectations:

*Make bed and straighten room.
*15 minutes of guitar practice.
*15 minutes of writing or math.
*20 minutes of reading.
*10 minutes reading to 2 year-old brother.
*One work assignment each day (dusting, weeding, etc.).
*Help clean up dinner dishes (sweep, clear or load).

We limit "media" time to 1 1/2 hours. So really that should leave hours and hours of free time each day. But N has already taken until 2:15 today to complete his list. Both meals have been rough. He is resisting and restricting. I think it will just take some time to set up new routines and expectations. I can already feel the tension in my shoulders.