N showed me his report card yesterday morning. He hadn't showed it to me earlier because he was worried about us freaking out. He has all Ns. They don't give Ds or Fs -- so an N is anything less than a C. I'm trying to not freak out about it. He doesn't know that it is a concern to me. I did a really good job of being understanding and reassuring him that the grades really didn't matter. And what mattered most was his getting better. I understand why the grades are so low. I've known that he wasn't completing (or even beginning) many of the assignments. Right now, I'm trying to help him get caught up as much as possible (his teacher gave him a week). Cs would be wonderful right now. If it is too hard for him, then I'll take a deep breath and be okay with Ns.
N has always been an A student. Last semester, when grades came out, he was getting As and Bs. That was when he was still in the worst of the anorexia and was still losing weight rapidly. I guess I thought those would be the worst grades. But I've seen his resistance to homework and work in general get worse instead of getting better over the past few months.
I think I'll ask his therapist to work with him on stress-management. Any sort of stress seems to aggravate the anorexia. If I even mention "homework" he freaks out and will curl up into a ball and cry. In the past (before the anorexia), we've not let him play with friends, play video games or computer or watch tv if he hasn't done his homework. But I can't do any of those things now. He needs to be with his friends as much as possible. He uses video games/tv/computer as a distraction when the anorexia is pushing him. Plus, I don't want to punish him -- because I feel like the problem really is the anorexia. We're also going to try an experimental (small) incentive system to see if it helps.