Boy, the anorexia is in full force today. I started to see it come on strong yesterday afternoon and evening. He has been asking his friends if he is skinny (and they are telling him, "no"). He has also been resisting (delaying on purpose) his food again. His calories have been too low the past few days because of it (1900, 2100 & 2400 the last three days). Yesterday, I pushed calories heavily hoping to stop the advance. I also hoped a good night's sleep would help. He didn't make it to bed on time, but wasn't late enough to cause problems. He told me as I tucked him into bed last night that the anorexia was winning.
This morning he has rotated between apathetic, angry, crying, apologetic, and in complete denial at times. I've not been very patient. We've had this same battle so many other mornings. I've lectured, threatened and tried to punish him this morning (all things that I try really hard NOT to do). But, I'm tired. And I'm tired of these loaded, emotional mornings. He needs to go to school and I need to have a moment to take some deap breaths. I'm doing better right now. I'm aware of the mistakes that I have made this morning and am currently trying better strategies.
All of this drama is over the choice of a shirt. N says that they aren't fashionable, they are too big, or they're too small. He has many choices. Choices that were fine even two days ago. I know it's the anorexia pushing at him hard. He says that the anorexia hates him -- and that he hates himself. In situations like this, I try to help him as much as possible. But I can tell he just needs some time. So he's in his room, curled up, but not crying -- thinking, I think. I go back in every few minutes to see where I can help. He is moving into the guilt portion of the typical cycle. He is processing things and starting to try a little harder. I've encouraged him to skip the shirt issue and to just work on brushing his teeth. N is currently talking to his dad on the phone. We'll see if that strategy works this morning. We've already been in this cycle more than 2 hours now.